What have I learned in the last seven years? I should say I've
learned to stop worrying, always have a cheery attitude, and look at
life through rose-colored glasses. Afterall, when I think of counsel my
brother would give to family and friends, it would usually end in him
saying..."no worries, it will all workout". While I have yet to perfect
his "everything's rosy" attitude, the following is a collection of
things I've learned along the way. I write this as a reminder for
myself, as well as for those who have had family and friends already
graduate from mortal life.
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| Click on photos to enlarge |
Choose Happy -
We choose how we react to hard situations in life. While we need time
to grieve, we must also remember to choose a happy attitude. Fake it,
until you make it. No one enjoys being around a gloomy soul. It's
important to have family and close friends to confide in during sad
times, but I've learned it's important to share joy and happiness with
the rest of the world. Everyone's fighting their own battles, so choose
happy and make life easier for someone else.
Learn To Rebalance - You learn to
rebalance life when someone departs. Since my brother passed away, I
have felt more eyes fall on me. It's nice to be appreciated, but I
preferred him being in the limelight. I've learned I can't rely on TJ
to be the talker and storyteller, while I comfortably sit back and
enjoy the show. Instead, I've had to learn to balance more
attention...still working on it.
Rebalancing is a
tricky process, as there will always be times I wish I could call TJ to
hear about his latest choices in music and movies, his excitement for a
recent missionary moment, an instant replay of a funny story from
school, or his thoughts on something new he learned from the scriptures.
These wishing moments don't necessarily go away, but they are tender
times that help me remember him.
Someone Is Always Watching - So, I better be on my best behavior. We don't always recognize it,
but our loved ones do help or comfort us in times of need. After TJ
passed away, I had several experiences that were only explained by
knowing it was his doing. I'm sure these moments live on, but feel I
don't see them as clearly as I once did. It's easy to get caught up in
daily distractions and neglect to think about those watching over
us. Even so when we don't see, they are always there.
Angels Among Us
- In the last seven years, the Lord has miraculously placed people in
my life with traits that remind me of TJ. Some of my closest friendships
have more fully developed by seeing these familiarities. I am
grateful for those relationships and hope those tender mercies continue
to come and live on through my mortal life.
More To Share
- There's something quite amazing about getting together with family and friends who can recall
funny stories and share feelings of a loved one. I'm grateful for those
times of gathering to be reminded of TJ's silly ways, haphazard
experiences, and happy nature.
Talk Out Loud
- Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in our
Church, told a friend to keep photos of your loved one nearby and
talk to them out loud. I've had a hard time doing this, but during times
of complete desperation (usually when I'm having a serious heart to
heart with the Lord in my car), I have talked to my brother...just wish I
could hear him talk back. I know he's probably saying, "Hey sis! No
worries!"
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| Grand Canyon Enthusiasm! |
Take Time To Grieve - I
don't completely understand grief, and imagine it's different for
everyone, but I have learned to be patient with grief. Don't expect to
be fine three days later. If you think you are, you really aren't, and
the grief will hit harder down the road. I've learned this applies to
grieving that comes in any aspect of life.
Let People See Him Through Me
- As loved ones pass on, some of their traits may become more fully
developed within us. We may be aware of some of these efforts, but often
they develop subconsciously. I only know this occurs, because I've
been told by several people that I've developed certain characteristics
that were part of my brother.
Remembering Loved Ones Parallels Remembering The Savior
- The same way in which we remember those that have passed on, easily
parallels how we should remember our Savior. Through pictures,
discussions, scriptures, and sacred places, we can always remember
Him. The Savior truly knows more than anyone else of our joys,
heartaches, and deepest sorrows. He continually places angels in our
lives that uplift and inspire.
I hope I always
recognize and remember the blessing each person I've known brings into
my life. I hope to someday learn how to see the Savior to the fullest
capacity my brother could see. I hope to develop the same
Christ-like light and positive attitude that TJ so easily shared 24
hours a day, 7 days a week.
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| Yep, long ways to go w/learning to be more like my Savior at this age. Learning to dunk TJ on his head...ok, more like trying to help him do a cartwheel. |
Good words that help me remember:
"In my 90-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that
when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will
work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment,
those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that
things always work out."
President Gordon B. Hinckley - Way to Be. pp.81-84
"My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly
and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves
us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “Nor
will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there
shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be
saved.”
On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced
from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places.
Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the
Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those
angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and
unknown, mortal and immortal." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-ministry-of-angels?lang=eng
