What I've Learned in 7 Years Since TJ Passed Away

What have I learned in the last seven years? I should say I've learned to stop worrying, always have a cheery attitude, and look at life through rose-colored glasses. Afterall, when I think of counsel my brother would give to family and friends, it would usually end in him saying..."no worries, it will all workout". While I have yet to perfect his "everything's rosy" attitude, the following is a collection of things I've learned along the way. I write this as a reminder for myself, as well as for those who have had family and friends already graduate from mortal life.

Click on photos to enlarge

Choose Happy - We choose how we react to hard situations in life. While we need time to grieve, we must also remember to choose a happy attitude. Fake it, until you make it. No one enjoys being around a gloomy soul. It's important to have family and close friends to confide in during sad times, but I've learned it's important to share joy and happiness with the rest of the world. Everyone's fighting their own battles, so choose happy and make life easier for someone else. 

Learn To Rebalance - You learn to rebalance life when someone departs. Since my brother passed away, I have felt more eyes fall on me. It's nice to be appreciated, but I preferred him being in the limelight. I've learned I can't rely on TJ to be the talker and storyteller, while I comfortably sit back and enjoy the show. Instead, I've had to learn to balance more attention...still working on it.

Rebalancing is a tricky process, as there will always be times I wish I could call TJ to hear about his latest choices in music and movies, his excitement for a recent missionary moment, an instant replay of a funny story from school, or his thoughts on something new he learned from the scriptures. These wishing moments don't necessarily go away, but they are tender times that help me remember him.

Someone Is Always Watching - So, I better be on my best behavior. We don't always recognize it, but our loved ones do help or comfort us in times of need. After TJ passed away, I had several experiences that were only explained by knowing it was his doing. I'm sure these moments live on, but feel I don't see them as clearly as I once did. It's easy to get caught up in daily distractions and neglect to think about those watching over us. Even so when we don't see, they are always there.

Angels Among Us - In the last seven years, the Lord has miraculously placed people in my life with traits that remind me of TJ. Some of my closest friendships have more fully developed by seeing these familiarities. I am grateful for those relationships and hope those tender mercies continue to come and live on through my mortal life.

More To Share - There's something quite amazing about getting together with family and friends who can recall funny stories and share feelings of a loved one. I'm grateful for those times of gathering to be reminded of TJ's silly ways, haphazard experiences, and happy nature.

Talk Out Loud - Elder Richard G. Scott, an apostle in our Church, told a friend to keep photos of your loved one nearby and talk to them out loud. I've had a hard time doing this, but during times of complete desperation (usually when I'm having a serious heart to heart with the Lord in my car), I have talked to my brother...just wish I could hear him talk back. I know he's probably saying, "Hey sis! No worries!"

Grand Canyon Enthusiasm!

Take Time To Grieve - I don't completely understand grief, and imagine it's different for everyone, but I have learned to be patient with grief. Don't expect to be fine three days later. If you think you are, you really aren't, and the grief will hit harder down the road. I've learned this applies to grieving that comes in any aspect of life.

Let People See Him Through Me - As loved ones pass on, some of their traits may become more fully developed within us. We may be aware of some of these efforts, but often they develop subconsciously. I only know this occurs, because I've been told by several people that I've developed certain characteristics that were part of my brother.

Remembering Loved Ones Parallels Remembering The Savior - The same way in which we remember those that have passed on, easily parallels how we should remember our Savior. Through pictures, discussions, scriptures, and sacred places, we can always remember Him. The Savior truly knows more than anyone else of our joys, heartaches, and deepest sorrows. He continually places angels in our lives that uplift and inspire.



I hope I always recognize and remember the blessing each person I've known brings into my life. I hope to someday learn how to see the Savior to the fullest capacity my brother could see. I hope to develop the same Christ-like light and positive attitude that TJ so easily shared 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Yep, long ways to go w/learning to be more like my Savior at this age. Learning to dunk TJ on his head...ok, more like trying to help him do a cartwheel.

Good words that help me remember:

"In my 90-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out." 

President Gordon B. Hinckley - Way to Be. pp.81-84

"My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “Nor will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-ministry-of-angels?lang=eng 

Have-a-pie-sue? Have-a-sue-pie? Havasupai!

I finally got to see Havasupai! What in the world? Or more like where in the world? Surprisingly, most people give you a funny look if you say you've been there, but once you exclaim the turquoise blue water, red rocks, 105 degree weather, and 10 mile hike into the Grand Canyon, I think most people get hooked on wanting to go...okay, maybe not all.

Near New Navajo Falls

Havasupai has been one of those items on my bucket list for over five years, when I first learned about it from some friends in Utah. With all my time spent in Arizona, I had to venture out of the state to learn of this place. During the end of June, I had the opportunity to go explore Havasupai with an amazing group of AZ friends who knew the area quite well and helped me see Hava-sights. After three days, I still didn't see it all and must go back. I highly recommend this exploration spot!

It's best to share Havasupai through pictures, in which I'm glad there were friends who took several. Due to Blogspot's quirkiness with posting photos, these may be a little offset. I'm no Blogspot expert, but here are a few pictures from my Havasupai adventure.

Hike in at 1am. The coolest time to start the 10 mile hike!

Havasu Falls after a 10 mile hike & no sleep. So much delirious fun!

50 Foot Falls - Hava-group shot!

My jet-setting friend, Jackie & me at Havasu Falls.

Havasu Falls - Met up w/Utah friends while down there. UT friends, Mike & Jackie, me, and my jet-setting friend & AZ roommate, Kristina.

Havasu Falls view from the top.

Explanation of the blue, turquoise water.

50 Foot Falls - 1/2 of the group in this shot

Plenty of jump shots at New Navajo Falls!

New Navajo Falls area

Here we are again!

Me jumping solo. I look funny, but still glad someone took the photo.

Havasupai means "hike much in hot sun". Not a direct translation ;-)

Bridge to no return & walkway to our campsite. Really fun to balance on at 5am when you've just barely gotten up.

The village has Indian Tacos w/fry bread. A lil' pricey, but all for the Hava-experience.

For those who choose, mules and horses can carry your packs and deliver your mail to and from Havasupai!

First class flight outta there! We took a helicopter out in hopes to stay for Church and still have time to drive to SLC. Unfortunately, our flight time beat our plans for Church. Bummer! Next time I'm going to Church & hiking out, as it was sad to miss out on all the Hava-fun!

Front row seat!

Carrying our packs to the helicopter. Our amazing 3-day trip officially coming to an end! So long, farewell great land of Havasupai...until next time!